I just broke down into tears again. I don’t even know why I was crying. Someone once told me that if you have a problem and you want to take the burden off your shoulders, you tell your story to as much people as possible. Then at a certain time, you will just realize that you just don’t care about this problem of yours.
It reminded me of the movie “The Ring” and how the ghost of Sadako kept keeeeling other people. She has so much hatred that the only way to stop her from keeeeling more people is to make a video copy of the “haunted video” and let someone else watch it within 7 days.
Of course, we are not keeeeeeling people here.
I’m just saying, this is where you will find friends and family to be really helpful in unloading the burden off your shoulders.
I am more calm now as I write this than I was an hour ago. My boyfriend was just at my side stroking my back to calm me down while I was gasping loud cries.
All this negativity… I broke down. My boyfriend didn’t know what to do with me. I can’t blame him. I was blaming myself for everything. I just felt so weak. So fragile… like the world is just pulling me down.
If I do though, I mean, if I think positively… I’ll just get comfortable with my life again, pat my back and say… well done?
NO! I don’t like where I am now because I know I could be somewhere better.
and I would like to quote what my boyfriend said “If you’re on an RPG game, you are stuck in a level… You are not moving on… I am helping you move on to the next level.”
I think he is right.
but for today… just for today… I NEED to break down.
I NEEDed to breakdown today. I need this reality check. It makes me focus more, focus again on what I want to be. I know I don’t feel like I’m achieving anything or doing something that would make me grow. This is a problem for me. Upon hours of crying, I finally filtered what I want in life.
It is kind of personal, but it has something to do with blogging too. Money is of course going to be difficult in the first few years you are trying to pursue your passion, but if I focus, I will get there. I better be! Obviously, money is a little bit difficult for me now but I am applying for and handling some freelance and part time jobs right now.
I have this one priority and I’m sticking to fulfilling it right now.
And no, I won’t tell you what I have figured out… I will show you.
If there are people I need to thank though that will be my awesome friends who have been really concerned about me. This includes friends in the blogosphere, previous co-workers, high school and college classmates, my best friends, the Nyoks, the people in my Plurk, Twitter and Facebook, my dear awesome readers, my family and of course my very supportive boyfriend.
Thank you… You know I will do the same for you and help as much as I can. Thank you for hearing me out and for reading this. I feel like I need to recognize that I have a problem, unload (in my blog), and give closure for myself so that I can move on to the next level.
*Thank you for holding my hand as I go through this.